If we consider the unblushing promises of
reward and the staggering nature of the
rewards promised in the Gospels, it seem
that our Lord finds our desires not too
strong, but too more weak. We are
half-hearted creatures, fooling about with
drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy
is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants
to go on making mud pies in a slum because he
cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a
holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.
This is my life quote. By which I mean that I want to live by it. Last year that meant content in my mud puddle. This year it means actively pursuing my joy in God. And - Oh! He is faithful!
I know that, in my defiance, I sat quite content in the mud. I was waiting, and challenging God to shake me. More tolerable than the still small voice would have been a BOOM! from heaven, anger, or some physical wakeup call. But He wooed.... not what I expected. God, in His omniscient mercy said "Come. Let it go and come." He whispered. I thought it might be easier to come to Him as a rebuked child than as His bride. I was somehow waiting for Him to take the next step. I was holding Him responsible for my actions "Lord, if you are not concerned enough to make me scary-aware of Your holiness and hatred of my sin, then I am just going to keep doing what I am doing here. "
Sin of sins! "Is there a more diabolical abuse of grace than to sin and rely on the grace which God has given?" (D. Bonhoeffer) I have no excuses. I told people I was happy in my puddle. I told them I knew I would have alot for the year to repent of. God requires no less than our all - and I offered a pitiful tithing of a tithe. A year of wandering. Of handing Him the bits and left-over pieces. Church once a week. The occasional chapter of a book. And still no "THWACK!!"
"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgements and how inscrutable His ways!" Romans 11:33 When I finally stepped out and commited to giving up Halo for the duration of our Bible study He accepted my pitiful offering! He has drawn me out of the depths of rebellion, stirred me to repentance and renewed my spirit! Renewed? REVIVED!