God's Ego?

see my new blog page:

http://daughter0fzion.wordpress.com

moving my blogging.

I really like this other site I have found... so, I am going to do my blogging on both for a bit - but wean myself onto the other site -

daughter0fzion.wordpress.com (the O in "of" is a zero)

Why not me?

I am almost done a most amazing book Suffering and the Sovereignty of God. It is amazing, and life forming. There are more aspects to it than I can draw out in a blog... and much of it simply cannot be summarized briefly at all; at least not by me and my poor handling of such weighty doctrines as the complexity of God being fully sovereign in His ordaining things to be, and man's being fully responsible at the same time...

But, a similar theme rings out to me, one that I have thought on often this year.... I am reading, time and again, the oft-times necessity of pain and suffering that our Lord uses as a wakeup call. And I wonder, why, why has He chosen in the midst of His goodness, to draw my heart to Him?

I think that I left the ball in His court so to speak. For a long time. Much of 2006 was consummed with myself, and my thinking that if it were really bad, God would do something about it. The Lord does not leave us in our lukewarm state, does He? Sin! I thought I could justify my self-absorbtion by saying; "well, God doesn't seem too upset... there's no lightning.... no disease.... He is sovereign after all....." Abuse! Abuse of His goodness, of His doctrines. Abuse of my understanding of Him.

I think it is grasping this that freed me in much of my thinking. I really wanted to place all of my deeds at His feet, along with the responsibility of my decisions. Mind you, my understanding of this is all very hindsight, but such is the case. If God had gone ahead, and allowed me some deep pain, I most likely would have attributed it to His displeasure in my weak Christian living. The results may have been similar, but He has chosen to show that revival of the heart, and a thirsting for Him need not be precipitated by a famine.

Piper writes: "The suffering of the servants of God, borne with faith and even praise, is a shattering experience to apathetic saints whose lives are empty in the midst of countless comforts." I wait for it... anticipating it.... Not in an apprensive way, more curious really. I want to be broken. I want to continue to cry at church, as my soul sings "When Christ shall come, with shouts of acclamation, and take me home, what joy shall fill my heart. Then I shall bow, in humble adoration, and there proclaim MY GOD HOW GREAT THOU ART!!!!!!!!!" Don't you see it too? When you close your eyes? Are you in the largest, grandest hall ever? Kneeling before the throne? Is He not sitting there, with scarred hands? And your heart wants to SCREAM "How great You are!" but, it is barely a whisper.... do you choke it out, with tears that fall faster? Are you as awestuck as I? You kiss His feet, there are nail marks there yet... but aren't they beautiful?

And do you wonder with me too, at the cushiness of life? At the apathy? For His provision - the money, the health, the home, heat, food in abundance... nothing compared to Him. Our sufferings cannot compare to the weight of glory we are on the verge of partaking in. And it is on the verge - for whether it be another 60 years, or merely 60 days it is but a breath in the depths of eternity. Let our blessings not compare either friends. I am apathetic. But, my heart is melting... tears are starting to flow... vulnerability is following... May God continue to use the goodness of life to change me, and may I be ready to glorify Him when it is the dark days He chooses to sanctify me with. May my heart's cry not vary from one moment to the next - in plenty or in want - may He be my all in all.

Mary.

I know that the concept of being a Mary in a Martha world is often touted. I have seen the books at the bookstore... but, as I have not read them, I figure I can go ahead, and share some of the observations I have.

My analogy cannot be carried through to completion, given the nature of the context, but I believe there is some merit to contemplating the worthiness of Christ, as Mary understood it.

She sat at His feet. Her sister was busy with much serving (Luke 10:38-42), and here she was, slacking off. In my humanness, I understand her sister's frustration. The unfairness. Food does not cook itself. And certainly not when you are preparing meals for others. Martha was anxious about the preparation, and her sister chose to learn at the feet of Jesus.

How often do I choose the poor portion? How often do I stress about the details of life, when I could be sitting at my Lord's feet? How much greater an opportunity do we have than Mary and Martha did! "I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you." John 16:7 This is better? Better than sitting at Christ's feet? Ah! I am sure I am not alone in wishing I could have been there... and yet, God, in the Spirit, indwells me, and I neglect this truth, and live so often as though it were not truth.... I neglect the beauty of God in me! We are not so amazed as we ought to be.

And, when it came to His final week before the crucifixion, she anointed His feet. With A YEAR'S WORTH of WAGES of perfume. Are we not apt to say with Judas, what a waste? Oh! May we have the faith to see the glory of God! May we, with Mary, understand His Supreme worth! May there be no price too high to pay that we can agree with Mary to wash His feet with our hair, our tears, and a year's worth of wages in a one pound bottle is a great delight! May we serve Him, with our bodies, our heart's cries, and our monies!

She knew His death was imminent, which is where my analogy falls short. Jesus said it was right for her to spend the money, as she had been intending to keep it for the day of Christ's burial. (John 11:7) But, in the sinfulness of my heart, there is much of me that says, "is it ever worth it? What a lot of money for a Body!" But, God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him, and Martha was satisfied. Oh! For the faith to so delight in Him, that no perfume costs too much to show Him that He is my treasure! May I not put a price-tag to my faith. That I would say with Mary, no price is too high to prove of my love for You My God and My King!

that's gross.

i love grossing people out. sorry. heehee.

Okay, this is definitely NOT appetizing, right?

but who doesn't like home baked deliciousity? (you must pardon my english, i like using cartoon slang and other variations of real words)   these sloppy bananas will eventually be fresh and warm bread.....mmmmmmm....

Similar to those disgusting bananas are we, the human race. (i know, i do come up with the strangest analogies...) Alone we are broken and this leads to a life of frustration and futility. (ONCE YOU WERE ALIENATED FROM GOD AND WERE ENEMIES IN YOUR MINDS BECAUSE OF YOUR EVIL BEHAVIOR.- colossians 1:21)

But (isn't that a great word?) God has given us Jesus..... 

"BUT NOW HE HAS RECONCILED YOU BY CHRIST'S PHYSICAL BODY THROUGH DEATH TO PRESENT YOU HOLY IN HIS SIGHT WITHOUT BLEMISH AND FREE FROM ACCUSATION-"  colossians 1:22

amazing! incredible! what a glorious verse, i can't even fathom the greatness of it, because in my humanness it is like banana bread with chocolate chips (because it satisfies my craving for wholeness and meaning in life)-- instead of the supernatural freedom and GRACE and love and MERCY that it truly is!  i only hope that as i (and we) continue to seek God and search His word, He will reveal to me (and us) the depth of glory and truth that He is.  And that i (and we!!) wouldn't settle for the (mediocre and cheap) banana bread gospel message.  

Sometimes i hear the complaint that we cannot know what the bible is really telling us, or we can't tell other people that 'our interpretation' is the right one (which i understand in certain cases, there are things which the bible is not exactly clear on, and many things that i/we interpret wrongly and need to be corrected in- 2timothy3:16). --- BUT the scripture says otherwise about our knowing God and His word, so do not lose hope!! do not  think we are alone and must trust our own thoughts to lead us the right way (for this we need the Holy Spirit):

"AND WE ALSO THANK GOD CONTINUALLY BECAUSE, WHEN YOU RECEIVED THE WORD OF GOD, WHICH YOU HEARD FROM US, YOU ACCEPTED IT NOT AS THE WORD OF MEN, BUT AS IT ACTUALLY IS, THE WORD OF GOD, WHICH IS AT WORK IN YOU WHO BELIEVE."  1 thessalonians 2:13

wow. clear as a bell.*

God's word in at work in us who BELIEVE.  

and so: at the end of this montage of things i am learning, i will put my new favorite challenge to myself:

1 THESSALONIANS 4:11-12

"make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anyone."

isn't that grand? anyway, anyone have examples of how to lead a quiet life? etc etc?? i'd love to hear what this means in a practical sense.

okay. my long windedness is finally 

done.

*disclaimer: i realize this is a cliche, and NOT all bells are clear.....

Resolved.... not for the faint.

Rejoice with those who rejoice,

weep with those who weep.

Romans 12:15

Again - it takes a combination of circumstances to bring about change. Or, sometimes circumstances mingled with good reading, and soul food....

That I have a stronghold of emotional boundaries may not seem evident on first glance - but they are there. For far, far too long I have been resolved to maintain dry eyes. I have never thought crying to be a weakness - in others - but have not given myself license to cry overly much in ten years, I assure you.

I started crying (correction - my eyes glistened) nearly every week at both my Beth Moore Bible study, and also during the summer, when I led a Don't Waste Your Life study with some girlfriends. Drove me nuts - these tears, involuntarily dripping out of my eyesockets. Unwarranted, unneccessary, humiliating. To top it off, Dear Susan insists on Hugging nearly every time I see her. She KNOWS I don't want to be touched. And the walls come down.... brick by brick... and with it a new resolve. As much as it is within me (God - reveal these people to me!!!!) I want to rejoice daily with someone, and mourn daily with someone.... To cry, to weep, to laugh; to remain no longer unaffected by the hurts, and needs, and joys of others. To not try to have it all together emotionally. Ravenhill says that "Our eyes are dry, because our hearts are dry." I suspect he is right.

I find myself apathetic much of the time to the eternality of life. That most of those around me do not know Christ, and are headed down the path of destruction oftentimes does not phase me. God forbid that I feel so little any longer!

I have steeled myself against tears, and am learning to let them loose - for there is something so intrinsic about the connection between the dry eyes and hearts - I have managed, for the sake of the former, to create a mild desert in the latter.....

I have had to really let go to be able to weep with the Piper family, and the loss of little Felicity. To not hold back the grief I feel on their behalf. And I cried yesterday, as I began to read chapter two of Suffering and the Sovereignty of God. Mark Talbot quotes from Elie Wiesel's Night - of his first night in a Nazi concentration camp as an adolescent. This is not for the weak....

"
....Not far from us, flames, huge flames, were rising from a ditch. Something was being burned there. A truck drew close and unloaded its hold: small children. Babies! Yes, I did see this, with my own eyes... children thrown into the flames....." and from the footnote to the 2006 edition: "I did not say [in Night] that they were alive, but that was what I thought. But then I convinced myself; no, they were dead, otherwise I surely would have lost my mind. And yet fellow inmates also saw them, they were alive when they were thrown into the flames. Historians.... confirmed it."

I thought about my own little ones, tucked in their beds across the hall as I read this. I thought about the violence of such a death for them.... I thought about the families that got torn apart in these camps, about the survivors, who lived the rest of their lives with these memories. I thought about my cushy life in comparison - about a bad day being one where Trinity has a cough. Oh God! Soften my heart!!!! This empathy does not seem to be anything I can manufacture within myself - and so I beg of the Lord yet another tough prayer - let me not walk by the hurts! Let me not live my life oblivious to the pain around me! Let me not waste another day, fulfilling my own selfish desires, when so many need the Lord's presence! May the tears flow freely....

We want to hide ourselves from pain, do we not? To protect our hearts from the depths of sadness that others are experiencing. To steel ourselves against the "inhumanity" of mankind. I encourage you, dig deeper. Laugh with those who laugh, mourn with those who mourn. Be knit to the souls of those lives you touch, and bless them with a heart that exudes the compassion from above.

....While all that borrows life from Thee is ever in Thy care....

This beautiful, powerful hymn came to my mind this morning, as I was reading Suffering and the Sovereignty of God. The hymn is "I sing the mighty power of God." Chills.... I love that feeling... when you can sense God is a whisper away - when words on paper inspire awe and reverance and awareness of His absolute Godness. Hymns do that for me.... so does reading Piper.

"I can't understand with any empathy or appreciation what goes on inside a person who says that when he sees the cross of Christ and experiences God's power, he feels a sense of worthiness. My experience is exactly the opposite: when I catch a glimpse of Calvary-love, my first feeling is not, "My, how worthy I must be that he would die for me!" but rather, "O, how foul must be my sin to require such a sacrifice, and how horribly lukewarm is my love and adoration and trust and obedience to such a worthy Savior!" And it's the same when this mercy, purchased at Calvary, meets my need in some crisis situation: I don't come away feeling worthy or sufficient; I feel broken and abased that in spite of my fears and halfhearted trust, he condescends in free mercy to my need." Piper - July 12th, 1981

I have been praying one of those "scary" prayers this week - you know, the ones you do not want to ask, because you know you are not going to like the answer? The following verse has been reverberating in my head: “Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” Luke 7:47 I have been praying that God would make me more aware of my sin. Of my sinfulness. I know I have been forgiven Much, but knowing that, and KNOWING that, seem to be two very, very different things. That I might fall and weep at Jesus' feet - broken and abased! That my sins, so very great and grievous, might be more obvious to me - and that in my brokenness, and unworthiness, I might love much - because I have been forgiven much.

All that borrows life from Thee.... my life is in His sovereign hands. In Him we live and move and have our being... (Acts 17:28a) I can do nothing apart from Him. He is gracious, and delightfully condescending. We miss, so often, His magnitude. And our utter dependence on Him. I do not want to be apathetic a moment longer - to His presence, to His mercy, to His goodness, to what He really did in my place on the cross. Soli Deo Gloria!!!

The B-I-B-L-E....

The B-I-B-L-E, yes that's the Book for me! I stand alone on the Word of God, the B-I-B-L-E!!!!

I have been surpised at the humbling direction my studies have taken me of late. I am having to re-work, not my theology so much, as perhaps my application. And even then, more the internal application....

That the Scriptures are breathed out by God I have never doubted. That they are inspired, absolutely. That I believe in "sola scriptura" - of course. But, that God's Word is all-sufficient, to meet every need, is an area I did not even realise I was struggling with, until the last few weeks.

I am working through this in part because of my study at church, in part because of a message preached yesterday, and in part because of the deliciously "ironic" timing of covering the same material in another book I just cracked open (I LOVE when God re-iterates His truth in multiple locations simultaniously!!) Jay Adams says that: "The Bible's position is that all counsel that is not relational (biblical), or based upon God's revelation, is Satanic." Yikes! I have allowed myself the sin of thinking the world more shades of gray than it is.... It is so black and white at times! We just don't always like the sound of white....

It's the irony, I suppose, of totally trusting everything the Bible says, and yet not reading it enough to catch verses like: 2 Corinthians 9:8 "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work." Or that, even when reading it, missing the implications. All sufficiency, in all things, at all times.... I do not live like that! I call my best friend, my sister, my husband for advice before I turn to the Helper, the Counselor, the Only wise God. Shame on me, for trusting the errancy of man, when I have God's breath on paper! Maybe it is the accessibility that makes it so last-resort.... I have at least five versions on my shelf, and a few copies of most. I think nothing of buying another Bible - the Book that men and women have died for! Excuses.... it is nothing less than faith smaller than a mustard seed. Faith that trusts man's way. Maybe I do live, sinfully, as though "all truth is God's truth", instead of "God's Word is truth." As though sinful man has been imparted with some wisdom from above. I have given too much credence to those who are dead in their trespasses and sins.

This ties into much weightier matters, I think, of not really appreciating how very, very much man NEEDS God, before he needs anything else. So often, the system, as corrupt as it is, seems to be working. My non-Christian friends are by far easier to talk to without judgement, easier to be at ease with. Many of them seem to have their relationships on track, their finances in order - they don't seem to need God. Forgetting the image of God holding each over the pit of hell - how it is only by His grace and mercy we are not all cast off as His enemies and damned.

And, sometimes I just get lazy. In many ways, it is easier to go to authors who have dealt with the issues, than it is to wrestle with the truths myself. That also stems from an erroneous belief that God is willing to impart more wisdom to them, than to me. James 1:3 "If any of you lacks widom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reporach, and it will be given him." If we treat the Gospel as some great mystery, we are short-changing the blessedness of the wisdom of God, and doubting His willingness to teach us, if we but ask in faith for guidance. That I might rest in His promises! He will impart wisdom! The Bible is sufficient! I need nothing more in life to please Him - than His Spirit, imparted at the moment of regeneration, and the blessed words between Genesis and Revelation....

This is taken from today's Desiring God blog. John Piper's daughter-in-law was close to term when they lost the baby on Saturday....
My heart is always lifted God-ward by Piper's ministry, no less during times of grief. May I so love and trust our Savior!

(Author: Tyler)
After my first day of work at DG, Abraham and Molly had me over for dinner. I remember asking then--since Molly was already showing--what their daughter's name would be. Their reply was a gentle rejection. They had resolved to tell no one until she was born.
We have learned your name, Felicity Margaret Piper, too soon. But your life shall not have been in vain. Our hearts now mourn and hope.
Felicity

Felicity, that happy name
was hidden with your forming frame
next to the heart of mom and dad
until the day you came.

You did not come as we presumed—
a place upstairs at home was groomed.
Yet other plans our Sovereign had
and took you from the womb.

Life is never ill-conceived.
He willed through you to make us grieved;
and though our hearts now linger sad,
we know whom we've believed.

The God who numbers all our days
no less deserves our endless praise.
He means the loss that now bodes bad
to highlight heaven's rays.

He's teaching us to trust his grace
while yet we cannot see his face
like you, in righteousness now clad,
and Fatherly embrace.

Felicity, your name will hence
accomplish mom and dad's intents
and make the saints of Jesus glad
for every providence.

Heart.

I am wrestling some right now with the appropriate place for emotions in religion. I am involved in a study right now that says that "Feelings are involuntary. They are caused indirectly, not directly. Feelings are not willed into being. They are indicators, not instigators. Feelings, in and of themselves, are not sin. How do we know that feelings are not sin and that God does not hold us responsible for changing our feelings? We are never commanded anywhere in the Scriptures to change them. God only commands us to change our deeds."

I did a concordance search - on feelings in the Bible directly linked to the heart - ie. 2 Sam 6:16 "...and she despised him in her heart." The heart expresses no less than 60 different feelings in the NIV version of the Bible - pain, rejoicing, yearning, guilt, anguish, cheerfulness, delight, sincerity... Some of the feelings are commanded "Finally, my brothers, rejoice in the Lord" Philippians 3:1. "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise." Psalm 51:17

I guess I am confused on what the heart is, if not feelings? This study suggests that it refers to "one's character or inner life with its desires and purpose for living." It also says that it includes "the mind, intentions, and motives." I do not understand how we can possibly separate this from feelings. It seems to be alot of hair-splitting. When does a feeling (I am jealous of how close you are to my sister) become a thought to repent of?

Feelings can clearly be sin - I think at the root of this study's teaching is the word "involuntary". Feelings are these things that just happen to you - like a sneeze or a hiccup. Since we cannot control them, we are clearly not responsible for them. This flies in the face of the gospel - and is even contradictory to passages the study itself leads to. James 3:14 "But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth." or Matthew 5:28 "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already commited adultery with her in his heart."

What may be missing is the working of the Holy Spirit. As the psalmist says in Psalm 119:36 "Incline my heart to Your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!" This psalm especially is full of how dependant we are on God's grace to love Him:
Do not utterly forsake me! v4.
Teach me statutes! v12.
Open my eyes v18.
Hide not Your commandments from me! v19.
Make me understand the way of Your precepts v27
Put false ways far from me, and graciously teach me Your law! v29
Lead me in the path of Your commandments v36
Uphold me according to Your promise v116
Hold me up, that I may be safe v117
Keep steady my steps according to Your promise v133
I have gone astray like a lost sheep, seek Your servant v176

Some days we just wake up grumpy. Repent. Some days we hear something that makes us unrighteously angry. Repent. And, beg of the Holy Spirit to incline our hearts towards Him! We can not will our feelings to change. But we may, we Must, beg of the Spirit to work in our hearts - to produce the fruit of the Spirit, to sanctify us, as we diligently seek God's face and glory - in humble, delightful obedience.

just for judah!

Rainbows and presents

It was my son's birthday yesterday. He turned five. And shortly before bedtime, out came a glorious rainbow. He was SO excited. And commented that rainbows are special from God. And, that this was God's birthday present for him. My heart did a flip, and I rejoice at the simple faith of my child. Faith that the thunder stops for him when he prays. Faith to not even wake me up when he has a nightmare, but to tell me the next morning that he prayed when he woke up afraid, and fell back asleep feeling safer. Faith to not let me drop him off at school until we have prayed in the van; because he knows his day will be better because of it.

Oh! The faith of a child! It is no wonder the Lord says we must come to Him with child-like faith. I see God at work in the heart of my little boy, and wonder why I can not be so trusting.

A birthday present from God..... what a delightful thought!

okay....is the wording here just a little misleading??

"Taking vitamin D supplements cuts one's overall risk of death, " - CBC health news, sept. 11-07

....because as far as i know,

"it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgement, so Christ was offered once to bear the sins of many." heb 9:27-28

 okay, so perhaps i'm being a little silly and sarcastic in my use of this article, but don't worry i have a point.

I do believe that the sun has great benefit to our health, most definitely, however, we need to consider the great need of the Son as well.....and as much as the sun may prolong life, this article is wrong to say it cuts one's risk of death. Death is definite. 100% of us will die. only the Son can change the way in which we die: do we die to the Glory of God or condemned by our own sin?

So don't be fooled, no matter what doctors and drug specialists tell you: vitamin D does not make you immortal! 

just a little silly pondering from me this morning.

my first post, not my own words...but good ones

"Christians are living too much in the present now. And the pleasurable anticipation of better things to come is almost died out of the church of Christ because now, "We don't need any tomorrows, Heaven, we're too well situated now. We don't need to hope, we have it now." That's the emphasis in our day, and I think it is a wretched emphasis. . . . But the true Christian is one who's kind of sick of this world. If I find anybody who is settled down too snugly into this world, I'm made to doubt his spiritual regenesis--whether he's ever truly been born again. He can live here and work here and serve here. But if I find he fits down into the world like a hand into an old and familiar glove, I worry a little bit about the man. Because all the Christians I meet who are amounting to anything are Christians that are very much out of key with their age--very, very much out of tune with their generation. Jesus called it a 'wicked and adulterous generation,' and that generation has not improved any--we're still the same wicked and adulterous generation that were in the days of Jesus. And if you can live in it too comfortably I am being made to wonder if the miracle has ever been wrought in your life or not. . . . The Christian has a homeland, and the fact that we're not anticipating it or looking forward to it with any pleasure is a serious mark that something is wrong with us."

--A.W. Tozer

What's wrong with Wright? Part Deux.

Alright - I finished the book. And I have to admit I was surprised at what I read. I guess I am naive as to what doctrines are out there....

Wright has a few unusual definitions, thought I might share a couple of them....

Evil and Sin -

Wright:"Evil is the force of anti-creation, anti-life, the force which opposes and seeks to deface and destroy God's good world of space, time and matter, and above all else God's image-bearing human creatures." pg 89

"Sin is the rebellion of humankind against the vocation to reflect God's image into the world, the refusal to worship God the Creator, and the replacement of that worship and that vocation with the worship of elements of the created order." pg 109

"Evil is then the moral and spiritual equivalent of a black hole." pg 113

Compared this with Piper's definition: "Everything which is not from faith is sin." Anything, absolutely any act or attitude which is owing to a lack of trust in God is sin, no matter how moral it may appear to men. God looks on the heart." August 24, 1980

Atonement -
Wright: "the victory of Jesus Christ over all the powers of evil and darkness, as the central theme in atonement theology" pg 114

Piper: "The atonement is the work of God in Christ, by his obedience and death, by which he cancelled the debt of our sin, appeased his holy wrath against us, and won for us all the benefits of salvation." April 1, 1999

Idolatry -

Wright: When we humans commit idolatry - worshipping that which is not God as if it were - we thereby give to other creatures and beings in the cosmos a power, a prestige, an authority over us which we, under God, were supposed to have over them." pg 112, emphasis his

Piper: "The first dark exchange is the exchange of the glory of God for the glory of images of man and animals. Call it idolatry." October 4, 1998 regarding Romans 1:21-23

God's Ultimate Purpose -

Wright: "God's ultimate purpose, which is to rid the world of evil altogether and to establish his new creation of justice, beauty and peace." pg 102

Piper: God's Passion for His Glory (most life-changing book to be read, save the Bible)

"His ultimate purpose – in all his wrath and all his power and all his mercy – is this: "to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory." February 23, 2003 regarding Romans 9:23-24

I have read so much Piper lately, that I find myself caught offguard by any man-centered theology. This book is full of it - and while God is on the pages of Wright's book, He is there in some making-everything-right-for-man-and-the-rest-of-creation facilitative sort of role. Wright refers to creation as "the project of God" pg 109; evil as a "Negative Force" pg 112 and God and His plan and His Gospel as "ambiguous" and "mysterious" pgs 113, 83, 119, 74 to list a few.

One of my biggest concerns came only a few pages after I stopped with my blog yesterday. I do not understand what Wright's thoughts are on eternal punishment, only that it does not seem to exist. Consider the following: "It is not enough to say that God will eventually make a new world in which there will be no more pain and crying, that does scant justice to all the evil that has gone before." pg 96 And then, he moves on - to talk about personal forgiveness. "What right has God to say that this evil can somehow be wiped away so that it appears to not exist anymore? Is this not simply another way of belittling evil, making it appear that it isn't really as important as all that?" pg 142 He missed the point! God has done justice to all the evil! There is ETERNAL punishment for those who do not glorify God in this life, who do not know Christ Jesus in a salvific way. There is the work of Christ on the cross - that paid for the penalty of the sins of those who were called, chosen, elected, predestined.... Christ is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God (Hebrews 12) because the work He set out to do on the cross, He accomplished!

Wright's answer is instead: "this is really the central point of this book, the ultimate answer to this aspect at least of the problem of evil - is not only that in the new world God Himself will be beyond the reach of the moral blackmail of unresolved evil, but that we shall be as well." pg 143

He also states "What right has God to say that He forgives the offender when it is Joe Smith, not God, who has been really hurt?" pg 142 Again, he has missed a crucial point. King David, upon having his eyes opened to the extent of his sin - in murdering Uriah, in taking Bethsheba, says in Psalm 51:4 "against You, You only have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight".

My one other major concern, before I close, pertains to Wright's understanding of the human heart. "This is the point at which the recognition that the line between good and evil runs right through the middle of me, and of everyone of us, is met by the gospel proclamation that the death of Jesus is "for me," in my place and on my behalf." pg 95. also pg 38, 39.

Psalm 53:3 "there is none who does good, not even one." There is no line within us - we are either dead in sins, or made alive in Christ, because His blood has covered our sin.

What's wrong with Wright? Part One

"The other book is a response to N. T. Wright on the doctrine of justification. I have no immediate plan to publish it until I get the feedback from critical readers. My motivation in writing it is that I think his understanding of Paul is wrong and his view of justification is harmful to the church and to the human soul. Few things are more precious than the truth of justification by faith alone because of Christ alone. As a shepherd of a flock of God’s blood-bought church, I feel responsible to lead the sheep to life-giving pastures. That is not what the sheep find in Wright’s view of Paul on justification. He is an eloquent and influential writer and is, I believe, misleading many people on the doctrine of justification. I will keep you posted on what becomes of this manuscript."

John Piper - August 2, 2006.

Ah - time to reflect. I am livid, to be sure, and while I know that will come through, I am not sure that is a bad thing. We shall see.

I bought a few books this week, one of which I thought was the book Piper was referring to in the above quote. I found, upon re-reading his article, that it is not, however the book by N.T. Wright that I did pick up Evil and the Justice of God is, I am sure, equally disturbing. I say disturbing because, from everything I have seen at local bookstores (Christian or secular - 6 of which I have visited locally in recent months) Wright is one of the most accessable, and I daresay influential Christian authors. I say influential, not just because Piper has, but because his books make it into top sellers... and because I was first introduced to him as the author of the only document of substance on Rob Bell's church's website.

I am half way through the book, but it was not until the middle chapters that I found myself ready to weep over his teachings.

The early chapters seem to point to a God that really does not know what He is doing. Reading Wright, you kind of feel sorry for Him... "God's anxiety that Adam might now take fruit from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever in his fallen state leads to His equal anxiety that arrogant humankind would be able to plot ever greatr and greater folly...." pg 52 The next page Wright talks about God's loneliness, grief, exasperation that He knows He will continue to experience. Page 76 Wright suggests that "God (the Creator God, please note)... has undertaken a plan: it is a daring and risky plan, involving God in so much ambiguity... that He begins to look like a double agent, becoming compromised at many points in order to pull of the solution." That Wright can even use the word "sovereignty" at all baffles me, because he clearly does not mean a God that does whatever He pleases.

"all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, “What have you done?” " Daniel 4:35 See also Job 23:13, Psalms 115:3 and 135:6.

That Jesus did not really know what was going on when He first showed up on earth is evidenced in a couple of places:

"Jesus CAME TO BELIEVE... he had to take its full force upon Himself so that everyone else could be spared." pg 87 and "Why did Jesus die?... Jesus Himself believed, in some sense, that it was His vocation." pg 75.

Again - where is the sovereignty of God?

There were a number of other teachings I found either uncomfortable, bizarre, or just plain not-in-the-Word. Among them - a vague sense of maximizing the concept of "evil", but minimizing "everyday sin" (which might reduce the Gospel to "a farce" pg 87); referring to Christ as "prophet"; and a downplay of both Satan and Hell.

It was not until I got to page 94 though, that I felt the need to write, and weep, and pray... oh, how my heart burns for those that begin to believe this!

"The Gospels thus tell the story, centrally and crucially, which stands unique in the world's great literature, the world's religious theories and visions: the story of the Creator God taking responsibility for what has happened to creation, bearing the weight of its problems on His own shoulders. As Sydney Carter put it in one of his finest songs, "It's God they ought to crucify, instead of you and me." Or, as one old evangelistic tract put it, the nations of the world got together to pronounce judgment on God for all the evils in the world, only to realize with a shock that GOD HAD ALREADY SERVED HIS SENTENCE."

So - we, according to Wright, have a God who messed up, and realises He did, so He sent His Son to fix His big mistake.... I do not know yet how this plays out in the rest of the book, I only know that this is not the God that I know....

You are not your own.

You are not your own,

you were bought with a price.

So glorify God in your body.

I Corinthians 6:20

I have been reading in Ezekial the last few days, and his life, much like Hosea's strikes me... God gets ahold of him, and tells him how things are going to be. For Ezekial, that means he will symbolize the punishment of Isreal by laying on his side 390 days. More than a year; doing something that seems, to our human minds, totally futile. Is there no other way for God to make His point?

I could not imagine being in Ezekial's position. It is no wonder he sat overwhelmed for a week. Maybe it is a wonder he did not feel overwhelmed for longer.

I think my first thoughts are very, very earthly focused. We only have a few decades here, it does not seem "fair" that God use a man like this.... but such thinking is naive, and does not honour God. I need to not only be willing to be used like Ezekial was, should the Lord so choose; but I am sinning when I think that this life I live is my own.

Consider how often Paul refers to himself as a bondservant to Christ. Consider 1 Cor. 6:20 - this life I live, is God's!

This is not the modern gospel. Tell a man he is loved. Tell him he will experience joy, and peace, at the foot of the cross. But do not tell him he may have to lie on his side for a year. Do not tell him that God may choose to glorify His great name, by making an example of the man. Was God working for Ezekial's good when He told him to prophesy? (Romans 8:28) He must have been. It is just not the sort of good we expect. Nor is it always good in this life....

May I be humbled, to say with the Apostle Paul that this is not my life. May I live to glorify Him that bought me, with my every word and deed! Oh, that the great fire might burn, that God might use me, however He may, to glorify His great name!

With no Regrets.

May I stand at Golgatha, and weap. May I remember, daily, what His blood bought for me. Why does it not break our hearts?

We talk about living each day to its fullest. We talk about living every day as though it were our last. But we can not spend every day in Paris, or laying down and kissing our babies (they would not hold very still anyways). We can not weap and cry and mourn the missed opportunities. There are not enough moments in a day for regret.... and would not regret defeat the purpose of His blood anyways? Jonathan Edwards got it... John Piper gets it. Edward's list of resolutions, written before he was even twenty, are testimony to what it looks like not waste a moment. He wrote about 70, these ones struck me:

Resolved:
5. Never to lose one moment of time, but to improve it in the most profitable way I can.
6. To live with all my might, while I do live.
17. That I will live so, as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.
22. To endeavor to obtain for myself as much happiness in the other world as I possibly can, with all the power, might, vigor, and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of, or can bring myself to exert, in any way that can be thought of.

"Down time"... I do alot of that, really well. And never feel quite so fulfilled, or content, as on the days when I tidy the kitchen in the evening, or spend the afternoon in my Bible. The most energy I experienced this week was the day I got up early to pray....

The days FLY by... and I know I have wasted so many moments. I think time is alot like money... "pinch a penny, save a dollar" or something like that. Maybe if I checked my computer one or two less times in the morning, and memorized Scripture instead. Maybe if I made one less trip into Sarnia in the week, and read my Bible for those 40 minutes instead. Oh! I want to be useful for the Kingdom, and I can not be, if I waste my days, my moments, my minutes.

We are scared, are we not, of thinking too often on eternity? Like we can delay its coming by filling our lives up with fluff. Life is so short! May I live each second eternally minded, so that when I do stand before the throne, and plead His blood, I can say "I lived for YOU, and You alone Lord - and although I am saved by nothing within me, I aimed to live without wasting the moments...."

You will FEEL.

"Smile, God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life."
I am not sure how many times I have heard this trite summary of the gospel. Surely more than I can count right now. Think bumper stickers, youth group rallies.... and it is an excellent summary of the modern gospel (just throw in a "just the way you are" after "God loves you" first)

But - the wonderful, amazing truth is that while God surely loves you, and His plans are wonderful - He is most concerned about His glory; and how your life might glorify Him may not be how you envisioned it. He does not promise you comforts and delights (in this life!). Quite the opposite: “Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you." John 15:20

I was struck with how the great prophets reacted in God's presence. Isaiah declared "Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!" Isaiah 6:5. And Ezekial, upon seeing his vision, said that "The Spirit lifted me up and took me away, and I went in bitterness in the heat of my spirit, the hand of the LORD being strong upon me.... And I sat there overwhelmed among them seven days." Ezekial 3:14, 15b

Woe? Bitterness? THIS is how one feels in the presence of God??? We champion our "rights" to His throneroom - without realising what it is we are talking about! We pray, wimpy little prayers, without realising the power and magnificence that is truly there!!!! Oh! If we saw who we were talking to - we might not be so blase. We might tremble. We might be overwhelmed for an entire week. But we would not be fake any longer. We might just realise too, how important God is. How paying lipservice to Him for an hour on Sunday just does not cut it. Someone told me recently that they were not ready to go Home yet - because they have not lived the last few years in a God-exalting fashion. You will find it again! We will find Him, when we search for Him with all our heart! Oh, sisters and brothers in Christ - let us not waste another moment - let us stand in the throne room and marvel! Let us tremble - and then get about our business of serving Him, our Master, with every fibre of our being! Do not tarry a moment longer!

If we dieted the way we "do church" we would be in a sad state of affairs...

I think back to when I was doing weight watchers - a huge part of the program was accountability. It was going to the meetings, often with a friend, because you knew that if someone else were concerned about what you were eating, you would be more concerned as well.

But I can tell you what did not work. It was when I pulled out a slice of cake in the evening, and someone would say "aren't you on a diet?" Oh - I felt accountable alright. I also felt like I had been beatup. And the enjoyment of the cake was gone - even though I had earned it with losing weight that week. I was either going to eat it, and feel crappy about myself while I did, or I was going to not eat it, and resent them for their "help". We know how much it hurts to get this sort of exhortation. We also know how good it feels when someone comes along side us and says "wow - I know how much of a struggle this is for you - way to go! Good job on losing those three pounds last week - you look fantastic!"

So, why is it when it comes to matters of sin, and matters of the heart, we resist showing love, and compassion first? We are so very quick to judge, and knock one another down; "Aren't you on a diet?" I think a large part of it is we are afraid that if we encourage one another, we are condoning the very things we know the other person is trying to correct in their lives. Like, if we tell someone who is only half way to their goal weight that they are looking fantastic, we fear they will think "Yah, I do look good, don't I? Maybe I don't need to lose the next 75 pounds." Those of us though, who have fought weight loss with a friend know that with every "You're looking good" we are that much more motivated to lose the rest. "Hey, just think how much better I will look when I lose another 10 pounds!"

Oh! That we would get this in our spiritual lives! That we could hug one another and say "I see you struggle sister, but I know it is a battle, and I know you are fighting! You are doing it! I see the Lord working in you, and He is faithful! He will not give you more than you can bear my friend! Let us fight together!" We are wrong to assume we must judge first and love later.

C.S. Lewis nailed the situation and struggle on the head in Screwtape Letters... Screwtape is writing to his nephew, a fellow demon, about how to handle a new convert to Christianity - and part of his advice runs as follows:
"If the patient knows that the woman with the absurd hat is a fanatical bridge-player or the man with squeaky boots a miser and an extortioner - then your task is so much the easier. All you have to do is to keep out of his mind the quesion 'If I, being what I am, can consider that I am in some sense a Christian, why should the different vices of those people in the next pew prove that their religion is mere hypocrisy and convention?' "

It really is so much easier to judge someone for struggles we know nothing about. But, let us not forget that we all have our own vices... let us not forget that we all value the friend who knows our weakness, accepts us, loves us, but still wants better, best for us. May we all be that sort of friend!

Fragile.

I was listening to a Piper message the other night (desiringgod.org if you've never heard of him) and he was talking about how much shorter life seems now than it did when he accepted his pastorate at 36, about 20 years ago. And my mind screamed "NO!!!!!!!" For, at only 26 it seems so fragile already.

I don't feel OLD, I didn't like turning 26 (first quarter century done), but the last year has given me a new perspective, and the length of time we have on this earth is so very, very short. A speck in eternity. The feeling makes me want to breathe, really really quickly into a brown paper bag.

I do not fear death. Whether I make it to 102, or only 32. If I did not think that those around me would miss me, I would rejoice at the thought of going home tomorrow. I can not wait to stand in God's throne room! When my heart worships, I envision the courts, full of the train of His robe, with thousands around... I see Christ on His throne, nail-scarred, and I find myself eager to wipe His feet with my tears. He... perfect God... hung on a tree, for me! Oh, it's no wonder the great hymnists can write of a fountain filled with blood... like it were a good thing!

I want to see my children grow - I want to cry at my daughter's wedding, cheer at my son's graduation. I want to kiss my grandchildren goodnight, and sit on a beach in Fiji with my best friend and our husbands. I want to see the glory of the Lord fill the hearts of those who are close, but do not know Him. I want to learn how to listen twice as much as I talk. I want to lead more Bible studies, and help girls birth their babies. I want God to get the glory for my every moment - but wonder how this can be. I want to hear each of my children rejoice in the fact that God is their Savior, and be present at their baptisms. I want to kiss my husband goodmorning every day and goodnight every evening. I want to trust in the Lord's understanding, and not my own. I want, I need, to know that those around me feel loved by me, that they know I care, and why. That I am not all talk and no action. That no one feels left out, left behind, or left hurting.....

I want to live in God's Word, and His presence.


It is not just Piper who has reminded me of life's brevity, and fragility. My Uncle was diagnosed two weeks ago with cancer. And while he may have hope in surgery, he has no hope in the here-after. Oh, God! Awaken in his heart a need for You, and a knowledge of his sins! He found out the day after his 49th birthday just how fragile life is.... and life seems too, too short.

So too; I think on dear friends - who question the fairness of God... may you see that every breath we take is more than we deserve! Oh, delight in the Lord, while He may be found! Whether you know Him yet or not - my prayers for your hearts is that you will trust Him.

So, while we still have today, may we live to not waste it. Life is, after all, made up of days.

Of Brats and Pumpkins.

For the sake of anonymity amongst friends, I will spare them the embarrassment of including names. Which may, infact, defeat the purpose of this. You know who you are…. I think....

I feel inspired to write from a couple of circumstances. Brad and I recently attended a few weddings, and I commented to him that it does not seem right – the only times we express how we feel about those around us, are when someone is marrying, or passed on. Why is it, that we do not say what could be said? Now, he feels that his friends and family know how he feels – but, convinced as I am that he truly reflects love, affection and caring, I do not know that many of us say what is really, REALLY on our hearts. And certainly not in front of others. Can we not have some sort of mid-life eulogy? I have learned more about myself, from others in the past month, than in my entire life combined I think. And it has been an amazing process.

Another factor that influences this blog has been the reaquaintance with old friends... and the regrets there are that I short changed myself. I feared all the wrong people, for all the wrong reasons, and missed out on some great experiences. I am learning that even the ones who seemed so put together, so on top of things, had insecurities of their own. I know that things work always for the better though - for God promises that He works all things for the good of those who love Him. So - for those of you, from high school, who have walked back in - I praise God for second chances.

I have let too many good friends go. The occasional acquaintance that could have been something more… that common spark, that walked away. From a lack of time? Sincerity? The fear of vulnerability? Excuses, I think, most of the time. I have the best of intentions... and I am sorry things never went beyond that - L.a.T.
Back in grade eight - I became close to someone... and one day at recess her best friend walked up to her and said "what, is SHE your new best friend now?" while I was standing there. And I walked away from J. We smiled in the halls for the next 5 years, but never spoke again, I don't think. I have few regrets in life - and this is one of them. Amazing, how pivitol a small, preteen moment can be. I did not stand up for myself, or my friend. I got bullied out of a relationship that I treasured.

And then there are all the potential relationships around me - the new our-kids-swim-together ones, and the old, I-recognise-you-this-is-awkward-I-forgot-your-name ones... And I am too afraid to act on my heart's cry "Be a friend..." I know I am not alone in this fear of putting myself out there - I think that if I actually anticipated people reading this, I might not write. : ) Do you see me as I see myself? Do you think I am stuckup? Proud? Silly and fluffy? Do you wonder if my head is on straight? Do you have me figured out? Or do you mistake me?

And there are no guarantees that the best relationships are the natural ones. There are those people you just click with. Instant chemistry. They get you. And the water runs deep in the first moments. And then there are the ones where someone says "You'll really like her, give her another chance" and sometimes, another chance, and another.... I think I blew a few relationships in Windsor - by leaving a bad first impression. By being opinionated. By being open enough that people thought they knew me, without being vulnerable enough to be sweet. For that I am sorry.

L. Brat. My only hindsight regret in moving to Windsor was leaving you. I had no clue what you endured those 5 years, and I am sorry for that. You have proven so true as a friend. I know of no one more level headed in dealing with people. Not to say you are stellar at taking your own advise : ) but your wisdom is beyond your years. And you remind me of Jane in Pride and Prejudice - forever finding the best in those around you. It is a true gift, and one I hope to emulate.
You have taught me to assume the best in others. To listen before finding fault.

L. Hmm.... not what we expected years ago, is it? Amazing, how long a relationship can go on, with nothing happening, and then to be suddenly thrust into an explosion of enjoyment. You are quickly teaching me - that first impressions are not always lasting ones, and that some of the truest relationships may be borne of a contentious start.

S. A bright spot. I could not leave you standing there next to the wall by yourself a few weeks into Bible study when you made your first appearance. Kindred spirits - your soul is so, so very beautiful. You love, and delight in simplicity of heart, and humble my own heart with such an easy, natural personality. And you've got me hugging people. I thought the only people who voluntarily touched others were those paid to - massage therapy, dental hygenists.... :)

R1. And the reason for this blog. You have taught me more, from a greater distance, than I could have thought possible. Your life lessons will stick to my bones - because they are not ones that come naturally to me. To never assume the other person is mad at you. To wait things out when a relationship is tough.... Patience... To not try and fix everything the moment it has gone wrong. So many times, I think to second guess myself, to call up and apologize for saying too much... and instead wait. And have been amazed at the results. Thank you for a lesson in trusting my friends to be friends.

G. Dreamer. I worried about you today - too many 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, 5:55 to make me comfortable.... God has, for whatever purpose, allowed me the chance to pray for you when you have really needed it. You have taught me that following your dreams can be an exciting, amazing, exhilarating ride. I have loved every enthusiastic bit of news you have ever had to share. You have forgiven much, and for that I am grateful. You have taught me that it is not always about people changing, but sometimes about changing viewpoints....

H. How does one sum up daily interaction? You listen to what I do not say. You know how my day is, just by how I say hello when I answer the phone. You take me to get tattoos. You have my children over, even when you know that the L/A combo is going to be disastrous. You love me, with a fierocity, but not a jealousy. You trust my instincts. You enspire me to get in the Word, to memorize the Word, and to pray.
You have taught me that being a good mom is not about how one was raised, but where one turns to. You have taught me to believe that God can use even a stay-at-home Mommy for His glory.

B. You hate me putting you out there - so I will make this as impersonal as possible.... You are my constant companion, listening ear, strong provider. You are a rock to lean on, and an amazing example of what it means to truly be a loyal friend. You are always right - it's kind of an annoying trait, really, but I love that you do everything you do with purpose and intent.

Too, too many others... I praise God for the ridiculous amount of people He has given me. I thank Him for the lessons I can learn from each one of them - and trust I will be journeying through life with each of you..... Thank you!

All to the glory of God.

Only let each person lead

the life that the Lord has

assigned to him, and to

which God has called him.

1 Corinthians 7:10

I think that alot of times it is easy to justify what I do. I mean, it is tough raising three little ones. They are so busy! I was not called to be a missionary (not yet at least) and am quite happy being the sender. I have given myself the freedom to be a "good" Christian, but not always a passionate-about-God one.

That changes - when you get in the Word. When you read passages like the one above, when you realise that a calling is not always a calling to go abroad. Sometimes it is a calling to stay home, to be a blessing to your husband; to love your children, to set an example to your neighbours.

I am blessed with a wonderful home, with my health, with a husband who provides, because God has so greatly supplied. But how I waste it! Oh! That I might live the life assigned to me in a manner that glorifies the Lord in everything I do. "Whether we eat, or drink, or whatever we do, do all to the glory of God." (1 Cor. 10:31) How is that possible? One way Piper puts it is that "the essence of our work as humans must be that it is done in conscious reliance on God's power." (Don't waste your life - pg 141) He also says that "God delights in being trusted and enjoyed." (pg 138) I think... perhaps... I can start there. I can pick up my broom, and thank Him for the health that He has supplied. I can pray for my sick uncle as I sweep. And when the house feels disastrous, I can rejoice in the children that are crazy-healthy enough to make the mess. I can thank Him for this amazing home He has given me.

May He be honored in what I do! May I scrub toilets, make meals, change sheets in a way that says, not only "thank You", but "Lord, You mean more than this - may You be my bread, my fountain, my Rock." I want to delight in Him as I go about my day - to remember that the steadfast love of the Lord is better than life. May I live today, at home, for Him.

Can't I bring my camera?

I laugh at my son - weeping, because he can not bring his camera to heaven. And I remember the days, thinking that if the Lord came back, I would be ready, clinging to my own blanket too tightly for Him to rip it from my grasp. Maybe He would pity me? Maybe He would make an exception? It is just a little blanket, surely it can come too.... (This was when I was little - I am not referring to my Nate Berkus blanket at the foot of my bed : )

But, chuckle at my son? I am no better now that I was at 5. No different than Judah. Merely less honest. For, is the truth not that we cling to pleasures of this world with such alacrity, we might as well be asking to bring them with us? It is much like C.S. Lewis's analogy when he said that adults who struggle with the concept of heaven without sex, are like children who cannot imagine sex is enjoyable, because it doesn't involve eating chocolate (well, not all the time at least : ) We can not envision one without the other. But the same principle applies to many areas; it is not just sex we can not imagine heaven to be without. And when we enjoy the things that God has given us, more than God Himself, more than the promises of reward in the life to come, we are clinging to our blankets, and our cameras.

Oh! May I say with David, that God's steadfast love is better than life itself!

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.
Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.
So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
when I remember you upon my bed,and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
for you have been my help,and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. (Psalm 63:1-8)

Merciful Joy

Not to us, O LORD, not to us,

but to Your name give glory,

for the sake of Your steadfast love

and Your faithfulness.

Psalm 115:1

Regarding this passage, John Piper in God's Passion for His Glory says: "We don't want the glory, we want the free and unmerited lovingkindness. In this rejoice, and in rejoicing, God alone is glorified. He gets the glory, we get the merciful joy.

Those last two words gripped me. What an interesting, amazing phrase. These two words did not seem initially compatable in my mind. My joy is my joy, is it not? I enjoy the birds, the sunset, my children. I enjoy time with my husband. Movies. Reading. Stamping. I forget, so often, that any amount of my joy is from the hands of God. It is a foreign thought, is it not? That I can enjoy anything in this world at all is because of His mercy.

We assume in our culture the sense of fairness. Everyone deserves equal treatment. Homosexuals with equal rights as a heterosexual couple. Equal opportunities for education. And a sense of entitlement that goes with it. Kids that deserve their own car at 16, because their friends all have one... Man is, so obviously, inherently good in the world's eyes. And deserves the best.

And, in our churches this stretches to the point of often demoting grace. We do not realise we have done it most times. It just does not seem fair of God to let some suffer. He does not seem loving to let children starve to death before their fifth birthday. We have, in effect, agreed with the world's opinion of God, and our situation before Him. But, have we forgotten that we are saved in our tresspasses and sins? (Ephesians 2:1) DEAD to God. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, in me that merits His grace. So fully against God when He stretched out His nail-scarred hand to me, His enemy.

We take the pleasures of this world for granted. Every second of joy is because our Lord has allowed it. In His mercy, He has been merciful to a wretch like me! Merciful joy? Yes, even merciful to everyone that does not know Him. Every breath man takes is mercy.

May I praise God for this breath. And the next. Praise Him for the joy I can find in this world. May it be joy in Him! May I remember, and be reminded by His Spirit, to delight in what is here, only as I thank Him for it!

Truth resounds with truth

What has been is what will be,
and what has been done is what will
be done,
and there is nothing new under the
sun.
Ecclesiastes 1:9

Solomon says this with weariness and monotony. He is frustrated at the repetition of life. But, as I am reading "Whatever Happened to the Gospel of Grace" and I get to the chapter on God's glory, there, in print, is a quote of Piper that I had underlined only a couple of weeks ago in "God's Passion for His Glory".

Piper is actually, in his book, merely writing a footnote on the Edwards portion of his book (the latter half of "God's Passion for His Glory" is Edwards "The end for which God created the world." But I loved the footnote enough to underline the itty-bitty footnotey print, and apparently I am not the only one who thinks them worth reading.... The THRILL! of finding truths echoed and re-echoed in my readings! The joy in discovering that God is the same, yesterday, today and forever! (Hebrews 13:8)

The short version of what was appearing in multiple readings was the discussion about "What is the chief end of man?" (Westminster Shorter Catechism) the answer: "Man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever" (Piper would say BY enjoying Him forever, not AND enjoy Him forever) It is essentially moving from a man-centered view of life, to a God-centered one. And John Piper says this shift is the "continental divide" in theology. "If you really believe this, all rivers of your thinking run toward God. If you do not, all rivers run toward man. Settling this issue is worth many nights of prayer and months of study." (God's Passion for His Glory, pg 141)

Back to Ecclesiastes. Nothing new under the sun... sometimes that sounds boring, repetitive. And sometimes, it offers the greatest peace. This is not the first time I have multiple books on the go, nor the first time I have just finished a book and begun a new one, only to find verses, quotes, or thoughts that are repeating themselves. And oftentimes, the books have nothing to do with one another. Bonhoeffer's "The cost of Discipleship" and Spurgeon's "Being God's Friend" sounded remarkably alike in places. What I am learning about God are truths that have been loved by men long ago. Truth, enjoyed by theologians in many different ages. And I get goose-bumps when I see God revealing His truths to me! He is tattooing His words on my heart, and I praise Him for it! How unworthy am I!

I love that God does not need to be shrouded in mystery. I love the affirmation of finding truths about Him in author after author; when God affirms His teachings in my heart with this legacy and heritage of writers - Piper, Edwards, Boise, Spurgeon, Bonhoeffer, and ultimately the Bible....

Reminding God of His promises.

But the steadfast love of the LORD is
from everlasting to everlasting on
those who fear Him,
and His righteousness to children's children,
to those who keep His covenant
and remember to do His commandments.
Psalm 103:17,18

The thought of having children is always overwhelming. The thought of bringing children in this world, who may eventually rebel, and not know God for eternity, takes my breath away. There was nothing that more deeply impacted me as I was pregnant, and one of those thoughts that clings to my soul when I kiss their sleeping faces as I head to bed. O God - save them!

It is not in my hands. Oh - I am not negating my responsibility as a mom. This does not mean I can live a carnal, angry life, and expect them to draw near to God, since it is not up to me. I strive to live a life that glorifies God, a life that they view as glorifying God. They are always watching and listening, aren't they? It is everything from being productive with my day (whether you eat, or drink, or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God) to trying to learn Bible verses with them (Jeremiah 33:3 is good for us all!) I want to have a conscience clean before them and God - that says I raised them up in the way they should go.

But, it is up to God. My Dad told my Mom, when they were expecting me, that it was a good time to start praying for elect children. My Mom said "We can't do that!" and my Dad replied "Of course we can!" And they did. And God answered. With all three of their children who follow God.

And so, I look at my three, and pray the same. But, I also remind God of His Word. Pray His word - say "LORD, You have said.... You said you would save children's children...." And He answers, by entering the heart of my four year old. And, I know that He who began a good work in him will be faithful to complete it. I anticipate great things for them - that Judah's passion, and eventually Levi and Trinity's passions will be directed towards God. That He would, in His mercy and grace, save my children, and that I might enjoy an eternity with them.

It is all about God!

O our God, listen to the prayer

of your servant and to his pleas

for mercy, and for your own sake,

O Lord, make your face to shine upon

your sanctuary, which is desolate.

Daniel 9:17

Both in my Bible study group, and personal quiet time, both in my reading and my struggling, I am finding myself face to face with this doctine. God loves God. He does what He does, for HIS sake. Daniel pleads with Him for forgiveness, for himself and his nation - for God's sake. Daniel believes God is motivated by a love for Himself, by a desire to protect His name, to appear all-glorious. And he is right.

How much less then, can I seek to glorify God? If God is uppermost in His thoughts, should He not be uppermost in mine? We live in a man-centered society, and in man-centered churches. We pay lip-service to the idea of God - but do we really seek His glory in all things? And, what does that look like?

I thought Piper was nuts when I read a sermon of his, where he was frustrated at his enjoyment of his computer, without thinking about how it related to God's glory. He was not thinking about his Lord in that moment, and that bothered him. And, at the time, I dismissed Piper's level of passion as extreme, unneccessary and impractical. Good for Piper - but do not expect me to feel that way too. I have a real life.....

I am getting it now. It is a tough lesson to learn. Sometimes I resent it. (sin that that is!) I want to want what I want. Halo, my latest novel, riding a motorcycle, playing poker.... can I not just enjoy these things, without thinking about God? Happy in my mudpuddle then, aren't I?

We start with this false premise. ME. How do I want to spend my day? What should I do today? How can I serve God today? But - think on God, on His holiness, His majesty... the wonder of Him creating billions of stars in a moment, with a word. He is soooo amazing! And, I have the amazing priviledge, of standing in His court, covered in the blood of His Son, being declared righteous by His grace alone.

Charles Wesley said it so beautifully in 1738:

And can it be that I should gain

An interest in the Savior’s blood?

Died He for me, who caused His pain—

For me, who Him to death pursued?

Amazing love! How can it be,

That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

Amazing love! How can it be,

That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

’Tis mystery all: th’Immortal dies:

Who can explore His strange design?

In vain the firstborn seraph tries

To sound the depths of love divine.’

Tis mercy all! Let earth adore,

Let angel minds inquire no more.

’Tis mercy all! Let earth adore;

Let angel minds inquire no more.

He left His Father’s throne above

So free, so infinite His grace—

Emptied Himself of all but love,

And bled for Adam’s helpless race:

’Tis mercy all, immense and free,

For O my God, it found out me!’

Tis mercy all, immense and free,

O my God, it found out me!

Long my imprisoned spirit lay,

Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;

Thine eye diffused a quickening ray—

I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;

My chains fell off, my heart was free,

I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.

My chains fell off, my heart was free,

I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.

Still the small inward voice I hear,

That whispers all my sins forgiven;

Still the atoning blood is near,

That quenched the wrath of hostile Heaven.

I feel the life His wounds impart;

I feel the Savior in my heart.

I feel the life His wounds impart;

I feel the Savior in my heart.

No condemnation now I dread;

Jesus, and all in Him, is mine;

Alive in Him, my living Head,

And clothed in righteousness divine,

Bold I approach th’eternal throne,

And claim the crown, through Christ my own.

Bold I approach th’eternal throne,

And claim the crown, through Christ my own.

Start with God. Not yourself. Fall, prostrate at His feet. Be amazed. And, SEE! the wonders He will perform, when you glorify Him foremost in your thoughts.

God speaks.

Again one having the appearance

of a man touched me and strengthened

me. And he said, "O man greatly loved,

fear not, peace be with you; be strong

and of good courage."

Daniel 10:18,19

The following is from my favorite John Piper message. It struck me, because I got sucked in - he was talking like God spoke to him, personally, when he was away on a retreat. I got chills. And then he shared where God's Words to him could be found - Psalm 66:5-7. And, it was one of those awesome moments when my soul was awakened afresh to the wonder that is the Word of God on paper, for me to read.

"O how precious is the Bible. It is the very word of God. In it God speaks in the twenty-first century. This is the very voice of God. By this voice, he speaks with absolute truth and personal force. By this voice, he reveals his all-surpassing beauty. By this voice, he reveals the deepest secrets of our hearts. No voice anywhere anytime can reach as deep or lift as high or carry as far as the voice of God that we hear in the Bible.
It is a great wonder that God still speaks today through the Bible with greater force and greater glory and greater assurance and greater sweetness and greater hope and greater guidance and greater transforming power and greater Christ-exalting truth than can be heard through any voice in any human soul on the planet from outside the Bible." John Piper - The morning I heard the voice of God.

The relevance for my blog today? Well, my quote at the top comes from the passage that not only falls on the heels of the passage of my last blog, but when I shared with my Mom yesterday what God had showed me in Daniel nine, she pulled out her Bible, and read to me parts of Daniel ten. And, when I got home, and randomly flipped my Bible open, it fell to this passage. I love the thrill of reading my Bible this way. I figure God knows me, and He knows His Word. If I let my pages fall open "randomly" I trust Him to bring me to passages that apply to my daily situations. And He is faithful this way. And it is exciting.

So - He takes me to a word He has twice prepared me for this week. I say prepared, because it is hard for me to read words to His faithful servants, and trust that they apply to me. "O man, greatly loved...." But I know, I know what He has said to me "O daughter, greatly loved.... be strong and of good courage." I NEEDED this today, and God provided. Praise His holy name!

God hears.

At the beginning of your

pleas for mercy a word went

out, and I have come to tell it to

you, for you are greatly loved.

Daniel 9:23

Daniel has this wonderful prayer for most of chapter nine. Looking through it - he sees God as great, awesome, righteous, merciful, forgiving. He reminds God that He is a covenant keeping God, and has a steadfast love towards His people. He also talks to the LORD about His anger and wrath that is towards His city Jerusalem.

And he talks about his, and the Isrealites sin. Their rebellion and wickedness. Verse 13 is especially telling "As it is written in the Law of Moses, all this calamity has come upon us; yet we have not entreated the favor of the LORD our God, turning from our iniquities and gaining insight by Your truth." Daniel acknowledges that they are getting what they deserved (even what he knows was coming), but that they still have not turned back to God.

But - look! Verse 17 - why Daniel thinks God will do something. Not just because He is merciful or forgiving. Not because of His great love. But "for Your own sake, O LORD" It is seen again in verse 19. God saves, and shows mercy, and forgives, to protect His glory! Not unto us... but to God! Daniel knows God will act if he reminds Him that Jerusalem is "called by Your name" (v19) because God is very protective of that name. He will look great, and mighty, and glorious, and will act for these reasons

And then, what becomes of the prayer? God hears! He sends Gabriel to talk to Daniel - because, at the beginning of his pleas, a word went out. The beginning! Oh - how quickly He answers! He does not even wait to hear it all - but responds to those who are greatly loved before the full thought is out! "The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." James 5:16 What a wonderful truth! He hears, He answers - I know that! But with such speed! Praise God, for He hears!

Rules.

If with Christ you died to the elemental spirits of the world,

why, as if you were still alive in the world, do you submit to

regulations - "Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch"...

These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting

self-made religion.... but they are of no value in stopping

the indulgence of the flesh. If then you have been raised

with Christ, seek the things that are above, where

Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.

Colossians 2:20-3:1

This passage really struck me this week - mostly because this is so very much how I deal with sin. When I was trying to, at the very least, scale back on Halo, I could not find it within myself the ability to for very long. And certainly not the desire to. I so badly wanted to set up rules - Halo on Sunday, maybe for three hours. Or, only when Brad was out. Or... I did not really know. Maybe I would not play unless I had read my Bible that day. (How sad is that?)

And Laurel was quick to tell me "those rules, they are not going to work long term Nikk. That is no way to get over something." Legalism does not work for long, and it certainly does not change the heart. I could have set up a ridiculous list of boundaries, and still never be closer to God. At one point last year, when I did not really feel like playing much, I was surprised that I still did not draw near to God. I mean - I had given it up (for a week : ), but where was God? Is this not what He had wanted of me?

The answer, maybe more obvious to others, is no. It is not what He wanted. That we would come to Him... draw near to Him, that is what He wants. Am I the only one who maybe thinks that "if we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from unrighteousness" is a great verse for a new soon-to-be convert? I guess I have been tempted to think I have FORGIVEN stamped on my forehead, without living out the walk of belief. Rules... so very useless, when they are not governed by the working of the Holy Spirit.

I try, in my own strength, to change myself. But, when I look to Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith, then, and only then, do the things of this earth grow strangely dim. Only, only when my eyes are on Him, when I am seeking the things from above, do I find relief from the things on earth - the weight and sins that cling so closely (see Hebrews 12:1,2)

Trampling the Courts

They themselves did not enter

the governor's headquarters, so

that they would not be defiled....

John 18:28b

I just want to scream "Are they SERIOUS???" The men referred to here are "a band of soldiers and some officers from the chief priests and the Pharisees" (v. 3). They are dragging Jesus to Caiaphas - a Gentile - on the eve of the Passover. They would be defiling themselves if they entered his headquarters. But the irony! How holy of them - the commands they pick and choose to obey, for the intensive purposes of having the appearance of good, when they are trying to find someone who will murder the Son of God for them!

It is kind of (on a grand scale) like what Isaiah wrote; "When you come to appear before Me, who has required of you this trampling of my courts? Bring no more vain offerings.." (Isaiah 1:12, 13a) The offerings they (and I) present to the Lord are so useless when they are out of propotion to the rest of one's life!

This is a struggle for me. The desire to look good on the outside - "to not defile myself". For all outward appearances to be following God with my actions, but in my heart I am trampling God's court with vain offerings. It is so easy to follow a list of do's and do not's, when what God requires of me is "to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with (my) God." (Micah 6:8) Oh! That I might seek Him, truly, with all my heart! That I might pursue Him, and seek to glorify Him, from the depths of my being! That I might remember, always, what is important to God - a changed heart.

Is there better news?

But Jesus said, "Let the little children

come to Me and do not hinder them, for

to such belongs the kindgom of heaven."

Matthew 19:14

The cliches of life I have sought to avoid - however this one begs to be said. Judah invited Jesus into his heart today. We discussed the fact at lunch that God is everywhere. He wanted to know how we know He is near. He wanted to know how I know I have the Holy Spirit in my heart. And he wanted to know if Jesus was in his heart too.

So, I explained what that means - that we tell Jesus we are sinners. That we confess we need Him, and the work He accomplished on the cross to cover our sins. That he wants Him to be in his heart. And so we prayed together.... Glory to God!

For those of you who know me - this was not easy. I have struggled with not wanting to give myself, or my children a false sense of security. God is not to be taken lightly. Salvation is not a ticket to heaven, but a life change of wanting to serve God with our hearts. Of loving Him above all else. But this verse at the top of my blog came to mind - who am I to hinder my child from approaching the throne of salvation?

God knows the desires of my heart - I do not care what my children suffer in this life, only that they may come to know Him. That no hardship will be too great for them or me, if I know they are safe in the arms of my Saviour. Broken arms, broken hearts... famine, fears, being ostrisized.... I will hug them as we both cry - but rejoice all the more if that is part of what makes them stronger in their love and worship of God.

May He alone be glorified by their every actions! May today be the day when the old man (be he 4 and a half and four feet tall) dies, and gives way to a life that honours God! Samuel heard the voice of God as a tot, may all of my children call to Him, and He will answer them, and tell them great and mighty things that they have not known! (Jeremiah 33:3)

freckle

But the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout

the whole earth, to give strong support to those

whose heart is blameless toward Him.

2 Chronicles 16:9

I used to hide from verses like this one? Blameless? Certainly not me! So far from it, in fact, that I know I am un-useable by God. But I had missed the point (a common theme for me it seems). For, I will never be blameless. What I do have is the blood of Jesus Christ, that covers me.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,

Oh, may I then in Him be found;

In Him, my righteousness, alone,

Faultless to stand before the throne.

I can stand before God because of the work Christ did for me on the cross. And, the power which God used to raise Him from the dead is the same immeasurable power toward us who believe! (Ephesians 1:9) Strong support? An understatement it would seem! The very power that God used to raise Christ is active in my life! I am without excuse! Oh - the cry of my heart is that He will use me! He has said in His Word that He will! That He might recieve all glory, honor and power due His name when He does use me! Here am I - send me! Oh - suffocated in His presence! He is so big, and so awesome and HOLY. The GREATNESS of God - the wonder of it! And it is amazing how, when my eyes are on Him and not myself, and I seem like a freckle - when I feel smallest, and most insignificant, that this is when I have never felt more alive in my life! As Beth would say "There is no high like the Most High!"